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She could imagine something better for herself with a man who was kinder and less critical. Then just when Maria was formulating a realistic plan for leaving, she suddenly developed a fear of driving across bridges without someone in the car with her.

The more afraid she became, the more she clung to Benny.

They are what I think of as “Clingers.” They form quick strong attachments and resist any information that suggests that they should detach because this person is an inappropriate mate.

The idea of detaching brings up their underlying fears of abandonment, so they find reasons not to leave.

When things get bad, as they often do when a Borderline marries a Narcissist, it is the Borderline mate that usually has the most trouble detaching from the relationship.

This is because they are terribly conflicted: One side of them is quite rational and knows that the relationship is not working and that they should leave, while the other side is very fearful of taking the step of leaving because it means that they will be on their own again.

In both cases, they also temporarily forget all the past history associated with the side that is now out of awareness.

Therefore, if they are seeing you as “all-good,” they only remember things that support that view.

This means that the lack of both is a defining feature of the current intimacy skill group of people with personality disorders.They tend to do this for different reasons: The Borderline Reason: Many people with Borderline adaptations live for love.They use connecting to someone as a remedy for feelings of emptiness, restlessness, and loneliness.When they are seeing you as “all-bad,” they only remember the things that support that view.As both of these views are overly extreme and inaccurate, they are inherently unstable and sometimes can rapidly shift back and forth in the course of a day.

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