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He may say things that seem boring, silly or outlandish: "You know what I'd do if I had ,000?I'd invest it in lotto." But if a woman really listens, he'll share more. Burford: In your book "Nasty Women," you state that men are more word-oriented. Carter: Yes, but research on gender differences has proven that men tend to take words more literally and to hear them in more sweeping terms.After all the work she has put into him -- he finally eats with his mouth closed, he doesn't say ignorant things -- he may run off with another woman.That's often because he's looking for someone who will think the world of him -- someone who will see him as he thinks his wife once did." The other agrees -- but still leaves his PJs out.

How do you communicate that without inciting a gender missile crisis?Burford: You've written that when a woman begins to care deeply for a man, he becomes her home-improvement project. Carter: A woman often marries a man for his potential.If women married men for who they actually were, there would be far fewer marriages.After a failure, a man might express his intentions by saying, "I know I've messed up, but here's what I wanted for our family." When a woman understands this, she can begin to share her own intentions as a way of drawing him closer. Let's say a woman asks her husband to pick up a half-gallon of orange juice after work.When he arrives home empty-handed, she's irritated.

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