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To be sure, there ARE people who demonstrate a high level of stoicism and emotional consistency.

People who seem consistently steady, regardless of what’s happening around them.

I understand this reaction also, because I too would lose my shit when I felt as if my wife was constantly telling me how I was failing her and our marriage despite feeling like a good human being who would do anything for her, and as if I’d sacrificed a lot on her behalf in order to share a life together.

() Being a lousy husband like I was DOES NOT make you a bad person any more than an inability to prove advanced mathematical theorems like Will Hunting would make you a bad person. It’s an idea that’s been beaten to death on this blog and will be beaten to death some more in the book I’m writing.

Make it out like it’s not a big deal and they shouldn’t worry about it.Not acknowledging how difficult something might be for you to do is hoovering. A lot of bad things happen when we’re dishonest—even when they seem like innocent little white lies that are totally harmless.Saying when you are overwhelmed, is hoovering.” We wear masks for all kinds of reasons in our relationships and in our interactions with others. Sometimes people think that being in the same room, or the same house, is the same as being WITH someone.I didn’t have to agree with her to look for the very real reasons why she felt as she did, and then express that I understood her perspective. I’m sorry you have to deal with that at work on top of everything else. Maybe for unselfish reasons, but probably for selfish ones too.I know it gets hard sometimes,” would have worked fine. Maybe if you did X, Y, and Z, your dumb girl feelings wouldn’t be interrupting my dinner,” which I didn’t actually say, but she probably heard. So we say, “Oh, don’t be sad,” or “You have nothing to feel sad or angry about. Don’t worry about it.” This is almost always done with the best of intentions, but it also almost always makes you a dick.

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