One on one chat with a lonely wife
In helping the population of grievers we serve, my colleague and I have often tried to offer programs and education on a variety of topics related to grief.
Coping at the holidays, how to deal with residual anger and guilt…and for some time we talked about how much the grievers we met needed the topic of loneliness to be addressed.
Or maybe it’s the parent who lost a child, feeling forever lonely around other parents, and forever left out of the things they won’t get to share with their child who should still be here.
It could be the griever who lost the parent, the one person who gave them unconditional love, who will never feel the fulfillment and wholeness the relationship with their parent gave them.
People who drink too much, or help too little, who are negative or bitter, who seem only to want to bring others down with them.
Unfortunately these people are out there, and a vulnerable griever can provide just the misery this type of company loves.
Searching for a new half or looking to plug in just about anyone that even remotely fits can be like trying to maneuver an 18 wheeler into a compact car parking space.
I may not have known what I wanted to do, but I sure as heck knew what I didn’t want to do.A relationship following loss can be a very healthy and positive step, as long as one recognizes that a new person can never replace or stand in for someone who is gone.Nor should this new person feel the responsibility to.The person you attract, the person who will be the best fit for you at this stage in your life may be nothing like the person you lost. We will continue to feel lonely and separated from the rest of the world if we are always checking off the list of what “they” have and what we don’t.And remember, spending time with someone new doesn’t always have to be romantic. And don’t avoid a relationship for the fear of commitment it could imply. I’ve witnessed how being busy can help after a loss. This is tough…I know it happens unconsciously and it’s not a case of asking a griever to deny the loss or feeling.